31 Ways To Dispose Of Jack's Rum
by Yosh-ees-stuff
Summary: READ IT, YOU KNOW YOU WANT TOO...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I think you all know very well that I do not own PotC, otherwise I wouldn't be writing 'fanfiction', I'd be living the dream DAMNIT!!! Sadly, the only thing that belongs to me is the 31 Ways, a few miss-matched socks, and some hair ties…see I don't even have string, STRING DAMNIT!!!**

**Enjoy…**

Let's just pretend that you or I are a pirate…a pirate aboard the black pearl, and you were in complete agreement with a certain Miss Elizabeth Swann, in the fact that Rum is a foul, vile drink that turns even the most respectable man into a complete scoundrel, and wish to dispose of it…without a particular Captain Jack Sparrow ever finding out it was you…because the idea is just so hilariously tormenting…yes hilarious…

…31 WAYS TO DISPOSE OF JACK'S RUM!

1 – Take it off him while he's sleeping and throw it overboard.

2 – Tie him to the mast and make him watch as you throw it all overboard (the tying him to the mast part was mainly to keep him from jumping overboard himself).

3 – Sell it and make a bloody fortune…pirate after all.

4 – Leave it on a deserted island you pass by for another poor soul to find.

5 – Leave it at all behind at Tortuga…nuff said!

6 – Whilst arriving a shore (where ever the hell you may arrive at, it's not important), have a massive party and hand it all out to the crew and anyone else who decides to crash it.

7 – KRAKEN…I am sure you take my meaning, and that no further elaboration is necessary.

8 – Have the voodoo witch make it all disappear.

9 – Give it all to Davy Jones, getting him drunk in the process and then take the key, and then find the chest, and then rule the world…wait this was about disposing of the rum, wasn't it? Not ruling the world…hmm, maybe it should be both…not a bad idea!

10 – Get the 'East Indian Trading Company' to impose a ban on rum, making it illegal, and have it all confiscated.

11 – Ship it off to another country.

12 – Empty it out into the sea, and place the empty bottles back in the holsters, and either claim that the crew drank it all, or he did and he doesn't remember as he was so thoroughly drunk that he wouldn't.

13 – Stash it on the 'Isla de muerte' and when it sinks into the ocean, it shall never be found again.

14 – Give it to Jack…the monkey!

15 – Let Scarlet and Gisele take care of it…as revenge.

16 – Tie him to the mast and let Elizabeth Swann drink it all in front of his very eyes…just to shock him.

17 – Tie him to the mast and let Gibbs drink it all in front of his very eyes…just to annoy him.

18 – Tie him to the mast and let Will Turner drink it all in front of him…just to anger him.

19 – Tie him to the mast and let Jack Norrington drink it all in front of him…just to peeve him.

20 – Tie him to the mast and let Barbossa drink it all in front of him…just to scare him.

21 – Tie him to the mast and let his Dad drink it all in front of him…just to horrify him.

22 – Let the Cannibal tribes use it as fuel for their ritual fires.

23 – There is always the possibility that you could drink it yourself…but then that would just turn you into a swaggering buffoon just like him, don't get me wrong, I LOVE Jack, but face it, he's a bit of a…toss pot tipsy sort of gentleman…pirate!

24 – Send it to Singapore…

25 – Have Calypso destroy it all in her rage!

26 – Use it as a swabbing medium for the swab bucket solution…shudder…no one will ever know, unless of course they lick the deck, but the sea water would have washed over it by then…hopefully.

27 – Use it as ammunition for the cannons…without him knowing provided.

28 – Have the Black Pearl crew drink it all.

29 – Have Davy Jones's crew drink it all.

30 – Send it to World's End!

31 – And now for the finale…do an ELIZABETH SWAN, AND TEACH HIM A SONG!!!

-Yoshi-

BTW…I saw 'At World's End' last Sunday (27th May 2007 – for my own reference, when I look back on this), and it was BRILLIANT. Such an awesome way to finish it off. I loved it. I recommend you all go and see it if you haven't. And I say this now…STAY UNTIL AFTER THE CREDITS, YES THERE IS MORE!!!


	2. Chapter 2

EDIT…I received a review from someone the other day, informing me of my stupidity…I wrote 'JACK' Norrignton, instead of 'JAMES' Norrington. Man I'm such an idiot. I was thinking about Jack Davenport at the time, and some how I miraculously managed to get their names mixed…Lord knows! Fear not, for I have corrected this blunder, so no harm done…only to my pride…I'm such a noob sometimes!!!

**Disclaimer: I think you all know very well that I do not own PotC, otherwise I wouldn't be writing 'fanfiction', I'd be living the dream DAMNIT!!! Sadly, the only thing that belongs to me is the 31 Ways, a few miss-matched socks, and some hair ties…see I don't even have string, STRING DAMNIT!!!**

**Enjoy…**

Let's just pretend that you or I are a pirate…a pirate aboard the black pearl, and you were in complete agreement with a certain Miss Elizabeth Swann, in the fact that Rum is a foul, vile drink that turns even the most respectable man into a complete scoundrel, and wish to dispose of it…without a particular Captain Jack Sparrow ever finding out it was you…because the idea is just so hilariously tormenting…yes hilarious…

…31 WAYS TO DISPOSE OF JACK'S RUM!

1 – Take it off him while he's sleeping and throw it overboard.

2 – Tie him to the mast and make him watch as you throw it all overboard (the tying him to the mast part was mainly to keep him from jumping overboard himself).

3 – Sell it and make a bloody fortune…pirate after all.

4 – Leave it on a deserted island you pass by for another poor soul to find.

5 – Leave it at all behind at Tortuga…nuff said!

6 – Whilst arriving a shore (where ever the hell you may arrive at, it's not important), have a massive party and hand it all out to the crew and anyone else who decides to crash it.

7 – KRAKEN…I am sure you take my meaning, and that no further elaboration is necessary.

8 – Have the voodoo witch make it all disappear.

9 – Give it all to Davy Jones, getting him drunk in the process and then take the key, and then find the chest, and then rule the world…wait this was about disposing of the rum, wasn't it? Not ruling the world…hmm, maybe it should be both…not a bad idea!

10 – Get the 'East Indian Trading Company' to impose a ban on rum, making it illegal, and have it all confiscated.

11 – Ship it off to another country.

12 – Empty it out into the sea, and place the empty bottles back in the holsters, and either claim that the crew drank it all, or he did and he doesn't remember as he was so thoroughly drunk that he wouldn't.

13 – Stash it on the 'Isla de muerte' and when it sinks into the ocean, it shall never be found again.

14 – Give it to Jack…the monkey!

15 – Let Scarlet and Gisele take care of it…as revenge.

16 – Tie him to the mast and let Elizabeth Swann drink it all in front of his very eyes…just to shock him.

17 – Tie him to the mast and let Gibbs drink it all in front of his very eyes…just to annoy him.

18 – Tie him to the mast and let Will Turner drink it all in front of him…just to anger him.

19 – Tie him to the mast and let Jack Norrington drink it all in front of him…just to peeve him.

20 – Tie him to the mast and let Barbossa drink it all in front of him…just to scare him.

21 – Tie him to the mast and let his Dad drink it all in front of him…just to horrify him.

22 – Let the Cannibal tribes use it as fuel for their ritual fires.

23 – There is always the possibility that you could drink it yourself…but then that would just turn you into a swaggering buffoon just like him, don't get me wrong, I LOVE Jack, but face it, he's a bit of a…toss pot tipsy sort of gentleman…pirate!

24 – Send it to Singapore…

25 – Have Calypso destroy it all in her rage!

26 – Use it as a swabbing medium for the swab bucket solution…shudder…no one will ever know, unless of course they lick the deck, but the sea water would have washed over it by then…hopefully.

27 – Use it as ammunition for the cannons…without him knowing provided.

28 – Have the Black Pearl crew drink it all.

29 – Have Davy Jones's crew drink it all.

30 – Send it to World's End!

31 – And now for the finale…do an ELIZABETH SWAN, AND TEACH HIM A SONG!!!

-Yoshi-

BTW…I saw 'At World's End' last Sunday (27th May 2007 – for my own reference, when I look back on this), and it was BRILLIANT. Such an awesome way to finish it off. I loved it. I recommend you all go and see it if you haven't. And I say this now…STAY UNTIL AFTER THE CREDITS, YES THERE IS MORE!!!


End file.
